


After the nightmare, encounter

by NoMoreBeer4U



Series: After the nightmare series [5]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Daniel Jackson Whump, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e21 Crystal Skull, Episode: s03e22 Nemesis, Episode: s04e01 Small Victories, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24179449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U
Summary: Jack and Daniel finally find their place into each other's arms, but of course, things never are that easy.
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Series: After the nightmare series [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704055
Kudos: 24





	After the nightmare, encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just play with them. Non-commercial purposes intended.

Daniel came into his apartment and leaned against the closed door. He rubbed his stomach with his hand. He had a persistent mild ache around his navel. It had started yesterday, a little after their return from P7X-377, the giant aliens' planet, the new residence of the great explorer not so great grandfather Dr. Nicholas Ballard. Daniel guessed his discomfort was due to the emotional rollercoaster of the last few months, that topped off on the recent events. Firstly, he had wandered like a ghost around the SGC for two days, unable to communicate with anyone. Secondly, the key to solving the case had been his grandfather. He had reunited with him after years of being apart, only to lose him again in a few hours. Janet had held him on base for 24 hours observation and finally, she had let him go. He hadn't told her anything about the soreness in his belly. He didn’t want to push his luck. All he wanted now was to cut off with the world for a while, preferably in his own bed.

The archaeologist let out a long sigh. He needed to relax first. A hot shower was appealing. The antacid he had taken just before leaving the base had done less than nothing to soothe the throbbing pain in his gut.

He went directly to the bathroom, took off his clothes, and turned on the shower. He set the water the hottest he could bear, and that seemed to help to reduce his discomfort. Great, now that his brain had stopped dealing with his stomach, it came back to play with the uneasiness left after the mission.

The last remnant of his family was gone. Huh, family. He wasn’t even sure to know the meaning of that. After his parents died, he had gone bouncing from foster home to foster home. He never stayed enough time in any of them to create a solid bond. Not until Sha're. The year he lived on Abydos, he had felt like a family member again. And then all had gone to hell in a heartbeat.

And now, three years after he had left Abydos, there he was. Alone again. All his family was gone. His conversation with Nick had triggered again the sensation of loneliness and abandonment he had felt when his parents died and his grandfather refused to take care of him. He really didn't want to deal with those old ghosts again. He tried to push his thoughts away but his mind had other plans.

Alone… Abandoned.

Solo… abandonado.

Seul… abandonné.

Mutterseelenallein.

Sometimes knowing so many languages was a real pain in the ass.

“Shut up!”

He covered his ears but obviously, it didn't work. He realized he was panting. He abruptly turned off the water, grabbed a towel, and went to his room dripping water along his way. Hell, he needed to relax. He dressed in sweat pants and an old T-shirt. He didn't even bother with the underwear. He lay on the bed and tried to remember some of the relaxation exercises that Teal'c had taught him time ago. He concentrated on his breathing. In… out… in… out…

Alone… Abandoned.

Solo… abandonado.

Damn!

In… out… in… out… in… out…

Oh, shit, now that he was regaining control over his mind, he became aware of his stomach ache again. He roared and got up abruptly. He went to the kitchen and prepared some coffee. He hadn’t made it to the couch when someone knocked at the door. He roared again.

“Agh! What now?!

He wanted to ignore it but the knocking persisted. He opened the door to find a smiling Jack O'Neill holding a paper bag that smelled suspiciously to Chinese food, and a pack of beer.

“Hey!”

“Jack? Why are you here?”

“I brought you dinner.”

Daniel sighed. He wasn't in the mood for that right now.

“I see you brought dinner. Why are you here with dinner?” He inquired tiredly.

“What? Can't I come over to hang out with a friend after a rough mission?”

“Hang out? And I thought all our missions were rough.”

“Good point.” The colonel smile widened. “So, can I come in?”

“Jack, it's not a good time, I'm kinda tired.” He absently rubbed his belly and grimaced.

“Daniel, are you ok?” He pointed at the younger man’s stomach making circles with his finger.

“Huh?” Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I have a bit of an upset stomach, that's all. I just need to rest for a while.”

“Daniel, when was the last time you ate?”

“I ate.”

“When?”

“You brought me a sandwich at my office, remember?”

“Daniel, that was eight hours ago!”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh.” He didn't wait for an invitation. He moved Daniel aside and went directly to the kitchen. He dumped the contents of the bag on the table. “I got your favorites.”

“Jack, I'm not really hungry.”

“Danny, c’mon, eat something, you'll feel better, you'll see.”

Defeated, the archaeologist sat in front of his friend and had a few mouthfuls. He was surprised that he actually felt better after eating a bit, so he took some more mouthfuls.

“See? I told you,” the colonel grinned.

They ate the rest of the food in silence. Well, Jack ate, Daniel mainly played with his chow mein.

“Be careful that you don’t stuff yourself.”

“Sorry, I’m not really that hungry.”

When Jack finished Daniel put the leftovers in the fridge. They cleaned up the table and then they got comfortable on the couch. Jack got a beer for company and Daniel, of course, another coffee mug. Daniel leaned tiredly against a cushion and absently crossed an arm around his middle.

“How is your stomach?”

“Oh, better… actually, yeah… a bit, a bit better, yeah.”

“Which means that…”

“Do you really need to hear it, don't you?”

“From you? Always!

“Ok. You-were-right. Happy now?”

Jack punched the air in victory.

“Prick.”

The colonel grinned again. They stayed in silence for a while. Jack watched his friend and realized his mind was racing in high gear. His expression became serious.

“Penny for them?”

“Huh?” Daniel rose his eyebrows and looked at Jack in confusion.

“Daniel, I can hear your brain machinery working from here. Something is troubling you. Is it about Nick?”

The archaeologist sighed loudly and sank deeper into the couch.

“Yeah. It's difficult to make my brain stop.”

“What's on your mind?”

“Nick is the last of my family members alive, and now he's gone and it's like… well… the past few months haven’t been easy. I buried Sha're just six months ago. Then I had to leave her son with that alien, Oma Desala, and now Nick... I doubt I'll never see him again. So I have no family left. Well, of course, there are Kasuf and Skaara, but is not that we are going to meet often.”

“Daniel, I see what you're saying, but what are we, chopped liver?”

“Huh?”

“Danny, I’ve never seen a more stubborn mind. When are you going to understand that we are your family too? SG-1, your friends at the base. Seriously, how come it doesn’t get inside that thick brain of yours? Maybe a little of brain damage from the Nintendos here?”

“You, jerk! How you dare! You were the one who abandoned me in the first place!” He sat up straight and glared at the colonel with electric blue eyes.

“What are you talking about?” The older man was at a loss.

“I saw you, Jack! I was out of phase and I saw you and Sam talking in front of the elevator. You…you…you just went to sleep! I would have worked through the night for you but you didn't give a shit for me. You just went to sleep, so don't dare to start with all the “we're family” crap!” He shut his eyes tight. He pressed the heels of his hands on his temples. Hell, the last thing he needed right now was an incoming headache. At that moment the sensation of abandonment was overwhelming. He stood up and started to pace edgily all over the room.

“Do you have any idea how tough those last months have been? Have you forgotten our holidays at Sokar's resort? We were lucky to escape alive. And what about Edora, Jack? For more than three months, three damn months, we worked tirelessly to bring you back home. I was constantly wondering if I'd ever see you again. Damn you, Jack, I learned to rely on you so much that when you disappeared I felt completely adrift. I wasn't even sure you were alive, and what were you doing? Huh?! While I was wracking my brain and spending uncountable nights without sleeping a wink, you were fucking Laira!” He ran a hand through his hair roughly.

“And then… and then… you came back just to tell me our friendship didn't have any foundation at all and you left again, to stay with her! Do you have any idea how I felt, Jack? How it hurt?! Do you? And now you have the guts to come here as if nothing had happened!” He glowered at Jack for a second and went on pacing.

“Firstly you tell me you love me, then my wife dies and I think, I don't know, maybe in some time, I can start a life with Jack. And then you disappear and start that new life with Laira and then you come back and you tell me your feelings for me were a lie! Ok, I know… I know now that part wasn't real, but damn you, Jack! It felt real then! My mind can understand it but there is a part in my soul that's still trying to heal. Then no much later, I lost Sha're's son and now my grandfather, and all you did when I disappeared was to go to your quarter to sleep! How do you think I felt? So don't you dare to throw on me that “we are family crap”. Don't you see? I don't know what's real anymore…” His voice trailed off with deep emotion until it became a whisper “It's like that blood of Sokar’s all over again.”

He wrapped his arms around his stomach. His outburst had awakened the ache in his belly and he was feeling a bit queasy. He stood panting for a while until he could regain control of his breathing again. He noticed some bile climbing from his stomach and swallowed it back. Then he spoke softly. His face was contorted in pain, both physical, and emotional.

“Please Jack, just… go home… please,” he pleaded with a cracked voice.

Jack hadn't moved an inch during his friend’s speech. He was still trying to digest what he had said. Crap, crap, and triple crap. He had been so self-centered dealing with his own shit that he hadn't realized how much harder it had all been for Daniel. They never talked heart to heart after any of those missions. There had been so much pain in so short amount of time... He had clamped up and he had coped with the whole thing alone. In a few weeks, he had felt better and he had been naïve enough to think the archaeologist had done the same. Huh! As if he didn’t know Daniel’s overactive mind! After Netu they had had some team nights, but he hadn’t spent time alone with Daniel.

No wonder the archaeologist had reached his limit. Daniel was right. He had accused him once of shutting as a seashell and he had done the same. He claimed they were family but he didn't rely on him after Netu or Edora. No wonder he had believed his speech about his false friendship. No wonder Daniel was still deeply immersed in his world of insecurities and doubts. Jack was paralyzed.

“Jack, please, go home”, he begged.

The colonel gazed at the younger man and couldn't bear the pain that saw in his eyes. He kept looking at that beloved face and felt his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. The lump in his throat was so huge and the weight in his soul so heavy, that he could barely find his voice.

“I can't.” His voice cracked.

“Ok", replied Daniel. ”Look, I’m tired, I… I’m going to sleep. Just… do me a favor, lock the door when you leave.” And with that, he turned on his heels and stalked away. He got into his room and closed the door behind him.

Jack stayed on the couch. His mind was running a thousand miles per hour. He needed to make Daniel understand that he was real, that his friendship, care, and love were real. And he needed to do it now before Daniel sank deeper in that dark pit he had built around himself.

He finished his beer in a single gulp, stood up, and approached Daniel's room. He could hear muffled sobs through the door. Shit. All he wanted was for Daniel to be happy, and what had he done? Give him a shovel so he could dig his pit deeper. He silently opened the door and pepped inside the room. In the dim light, he saw Daniel laying on his side, curled in a ball, his back to the door. His arms were wrapped tightly around his middle and the shakes on his shoulders made his whole body tremble. Jack moved closer and with a cracked voice he whispered his name.

“Daniel…”

“Jack, leave me alone, please", he sobbed.

“Sorry, I can’t do that. I shouldn’t have left you alone after all those missions in the first place. Please, let me try to fix it. You're hurting Daniel. I'm sorry I didn’t realize how much before. We should have talked sooner. I really am an ass. I should have learned something after Sha're died, when you shut me down. You always do that when you're hurting. We should have talked after Netu, after Edora… I’m used to dealing with my… issues alone and I pushed you away too. What a pair, huh? He snorted.

Daniel kept on sobbing and trembling. Jack sat down on the bed but the archaeologist didn’t react at the movement of the mattress sinking. Jack went on speaking in a soft tone.

“Danny, I heard you before and I want you to listen to me now. In Netu I saw Charlie, and well… it messed up my mind more than I was willing to admit. I guess you saw Sha're, and well, you were still mourning her. We should have talked then. I told you families shared their pain but I didn’t follow my own preaching.” He sighed sadly. “I'm sorry Daniel, I really am.”

He stopped for a moment and closed his eyes, trying to collect his thoughts. “Then, when I got stuck in Edora, god, I missed you so much… the idea of not seeing you again was… unbearable. But after three months I gave up. God, I'm such an asshole. You… SG-1 never failed me before, but after so many days I just… lost my faith. I believed I'd never come back to Earth. Laira had been hinting at me from day one and I… I needed the comfort and well, that night there was a feast, I got drunk, she was… there. I regretted it the second I put my hands on her.

Jack opened his eyes and realized Daniel had stopped crying and he was now facing him and looking at him with puffy red-rimmed eyes, his expression unreadable.

“Danny…” he reached out his hand intending to touch him but the archaeologist flinched and pulled back a few inches.

“No… Jack, please… I just… I don't know what's real anymore, I just want you to tell me the truth, about Laira, and about you and… me.” He pleaded with a ragged voice. He sounded totally wiped out.

“I never loved her, Daniel. I was in love with you when I told you the first time and it hasn't changed. Well, not, that's not true, the fact is that I love you more every day. All that crap I dumped on you at my house, god I'd rather shoot myself than draw that expression on your face again. When you left I wanted to puke. I had to swallow my bile or I'd have given myself away. You couldn’t possibly hate me more than I hated myself. I said to myself that I'd work hard to regain your trust again, but then… then, before I could get the guts to come and talk to you, you disappeared in that giant pyramid and I… shit!” The colonel's eyes wetted and he looked away.

“I couldn't bear the thought of being apart from you again. Something in my heart was telling me you were ok, but I couldn’t do anything to help you. I don't understand anything about those damn Nintendos. Hell, I wanted to shoot Rothman. I hit the roof. So yes, I went to my quarter, and… prayed. For hours… I prayed… that you would come back to me.” He lifted his gaze and met Daniel’s glistening eyes staring at him intensely.

“I saw you.”

“What, praying?”

“No. I mean, I saw _you_. In Netu. I didn’t see Sha’re in my hallucination. I saw you.”

Jack was speechless. He looked at Daniel open-mouthed for a few seconds before he could find his voice.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“What? That _family_ thing of yours works only one way? Why didn't you?” The archaeologist accused.

Jack sighed long. “Daniel, we need to stop doing this, for real this time. I’m not that good with all that "feelings thing", but we have to try. We have to stop clamming up this way. We have each other, we don’t need to cope with all our… stuff alone. Promise me you’ll tell me every time you're hurting.”

“Only if you promise me too. Jack, I'm not a kid or a dainty little daisy. I always have the feeling you think you need to protect me. You don't need to do that. I'm perfectly capable of helping you to deal with your demons, probably much better than with mine. I'm a grown man, Jack, and frankly, all that protectiveness is a bit offensive.”

Something clicked in Jack's brain. Daniel was right. He had been treating him like a weak link he needed to protect. The “ _we have to protect the civilian_ ” rule had gone too far. It was ok on the battlefield, but he had let the rule go beyond the field. Every time he ruffled his hair… shit, he used to do this to Charlie to give him his approval. He had been fooled by his boyish face, but Daniel was not a kid. Daniel was a grown man. And a hell of a sexy one. And all the fantasies about him he had every time he jerked off in the shower, were definitely mature content.

“You see what you do to me? Every time you open your mouth I love you more.”

“I love you too, Jack, but I can’t go on like this. I need to know who I am in that supposed family of yours.”

“You, Dr. Jackson, are the man I love and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

And with that, he leaned over Daniel and kissed him. It was a mere brush on his lips, a question that was answered when the younger man started to kiss him back. And it was sweet, tender, and long, nothing to do with that time last year when the driving of the kiss had been the need for comfort. This time the kiss was talking about deep love. Their mouths opened and their tongues met in a slow sensual dance of licking and tasting. Coffee and beer flavors were mixed. There wasn't a fight to control the kiss. It was all about feelings and sharing. And it felt so right, so good, that a wide window of hope opened in both men's hearts.

Jack broke the kiss and stared intensely at his new lover's bright sapphire eyes. “Does it answer your question?”

“Mmm, I’m not sure, I have and stubborn and thick mind. I may need a bit of clarification.”

And then Jack cupped his face and picked up the kissing where he had left it, in full passion mode this time. Teeth were nibbling swollen, wet lips, tongues were entwined, searching, licking, sucking, tasting. Daniel winded his fingers through Jack's grey strands. The kiss became frenzied. They angled their heads frenetically looking for the perfect fit. When they ran out of oxygen they broke the kiss and stared at each other with sparkling eyes. Their gaze was fed by love and lust. 

“Daniel, are you sure? I'm not going to do a one night stand with you again. If we do this, I want the full pack. If you have any doubts I need to know now.”

Jack, you know I'd do anything to have Sha're back, but she is dead. I'll always love her the same way you'll always love Sarah. But she is a part of my past. You, Colonel Jonathan “Jack” O'Neill, are my present and my future.”

And with that, he sneaked his long-fingered hands under Jack T-shirt and took it off in a master movement. Then he began to explore slowly, mapping with his fingertips every inch of Jack's handsome face, chest, and abdomen, as if he was studying a precious treasure for the first time. He bit his lower lip and his eyes glowed in fascination. Jack had seen these maneuvers before, every time Daniel touched for the first time a new precious discovery.

“Now I feel like one of your rocks,” he teased.

“Artifacts.”

“Huh?”

“They aren't rocks, they are old… precious… artifacts.”

“Have you just called me an old artifact?” Jack made a funny face.

And then Daniel laughed and it was the most wonderful sound Jack had ever heard.

“God, Daniel, I love you so much.” He almost choked on the emotion of the great truth expressed in these few words.

He leaned forward and latched their mouths together again. The lips of both men were red and swollen with lust and that added a stronger feeling. Daniel raised his arms in invitation and Jack peeled off his T-shirt with a sensual and slow movement as if he was unwrapping a priceless gift. He took a few seconds to caress Daniel’s torso fondly and then he aimed to the archaeologist’s neck. He pressed his body against Daniel's and began to kiss, suck and nibble his neck, earlobes, and collar bone. Jack's pressure increased the discomfort in the younger man's abdomen, but he decided to ignore it. He could try another antacid later.

Daniel felt Jack’s hard-on pressing against his own and moaned loudly.“Too many clothes,” he panted.

“Agreed.” It sounded muffled as Jack's mouth was running a trip along Daniel's jaw.

The archaeologist ran his hands along Jack's back until he reached his waistband. He sneaked his fingers between their bodies, he unzipped the older man's fly and pushed down his jeans along with his boxers. The colonel let out a muffled gasp when Daniel’s hand brushed his cock. The archaeologist managed to get rid of the clothes with the help of his feet. Then Jack started a trail of wet kisses from Daniel's Adam apple down along his chest. Daniel moaned and arched his back when he sucked his hardened nipples.

Jack usually didn't take so much time in foreplay, but with Daniel, he felt the need to enjoy every little step in his exploration. He had never been so turned on in his whole life and they hadn't even touched their dicks yet. Seeing Daniel's response, he could tell they were on the same page.

The colonel continued his exploration along the archaeologist’s abdomen and when he reached his navel he licked it, dipped his tongue inside and twirled it. The action revived the ache in his belly further and he groaned.

Jack stopped his doings and looked at him in concern.

“Danny, you ok?”

“Sorry, I still have a bit of discomfort in my belly. You better skip that part today.”

“Are you sure you're fit for this?”

“Yeah, yeah, no big deal.”

“Ok, but keep in mind that I love your belly and I'll make it up to it next time.” He smiled mischievously and reached Daniel's sweats waistband. He pushed down and freed the younger man's cock. He moved closer and licked it slowly from root to tip.

“Oh, god… Jack… love you… please, I want you to fuck me… “

“Danny, I'm never going to fuck you, never. I'll always _make love_ to you, loooong and sloooow lovemaking.”

“Jaaaack, stop teasing… aaaahhh…” He felt Jack's wet mouth engulfing his cock and oh, god, that felt so, so good…

“Lube.”

“Nightstand. Drawer.”

At that moment Jack thanked god for his 6 feet 2 inches. His long arm reached the drawer easily and grabbed the tube. Daniel got rid of his sweatpants, wide opened his legs and bent his knees, resting the sole of his feet on the mattress. Jack coated his middle finger with the gel and leaned down again. He took Daniel's cock in his mouth while he started to massage his perineum with his finger. He licked the younger man's length fondly and savored the bitter taste of the pre-come.

He moved his finger backward and reached Daniel's sphincter. He carefully inserted his finger and pushed in. Once he passed the first ring of muscle, his finger slid easily. Daniel moaned as a shudder of pleasure ran through his whole body.

And then, all of a sudden, a sharp, stabbing pain exploded inside Daniel's abdomen and he arched his back, screaming.

“Aaagghh, fuck!”

Daniel’s sudden cry startled Jack and he quickly removed the finger, fearing he had hurt the younger man.

“Daniel, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” He looked at the archaeologist and froze. His face was crumpled in pain.

“Oh, crap! What did I do?”

“Jack, no, it wasn't you.” He was panting and drops of sweat had appeared on his brow. “I think it's something wrong in… aaaaaaaaaggggghh! God!”

He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth. At the same time, he wrapped his arms around his stomach, turned to his side, and curled into a ball. Ok, now Jack was getting scared.

“Daniel, Danny, baby, what's wrong? What's wrong?!

“Aaagghhhh, it's my belly, Jack, oh, god, it hurts, it hurts… bad… Aagh, somethin' s wrong in my belly!”

He was panting faster. He clutched his stomach tighter and started to rock back and forth. He went on groaning, his face contorted in agony. Now his whole body was covered in a fine layer of sweat.

Jack launched towards the phone on the nightstand.

“Everything is gonna be ok, baby, hang on! I'm gonna call Fraiser! Hang on! He grabbed the phone receiver without removing his sight from Daniel, who continued writhing on the bed.

“J'ck… J'ck… gonna be s'ck…” Daniel's voice faded to a whisper in his agony.

The colonel dropped the phone and rushed towards his lover, who was trying to sit up. Jack held him steady by his shoulders and helped him to stand up. The moment the archaeologist’s feet touched the floor, he doubled over and pressed his hand to the right side of his lower abdomen.

“Gonna puke… aaagh…!

They reached the toilet just in time. Daniel dropped to his knees and spewed his guts out. His arms got back to their position holding his belly while he retched painfully for some minutes more. God, he never had experienced this kind of pain before. It felt as if someone was stabbing him slowly in the lower abdomen and twisting the knife at the same time. What the hell was wrong with him?

Once he finished emptying the contents of his stomach, he kept folded over the toilet. He dry-heaved for some minutes and eventually his breathing calmed down a bit.

“Better?” Asked Jack anxiously.

“Nooo…” It sounded like a strangled sob.

Without warning, Daniel collapsed to the floor. Jack barely had time to hold his head to keep it from cracking. With his body barely following his orders, the archaeologist managed to curl into a fetal position and started shaking. Unfocused, pain-filled watery eyes stared at Jack.

“J'ck, hurts, god, my…belly… h'rts… help… me…” Thick pain tears began to roll down his cheeks.

Now Jack was terrified. If Daniel could admit such amount of pain, this had to be very, very bad. He rushed to the room to grab the quilt and the telephone receiver and went back to kneel in front of his friend. He covered him with the comforter and with shaking hands he dialed the mountain’s infirmary number. He was trembling so hard he misdialed twice. He finally got the line and waited. Daniel was whimpering and writhing on the floor, clutching his midsection as tight as his weakened strength let him. At the SGC infirmary, someone answered the call.

“I'm Colonel O’Neill! Get me Frasier, now!!

With his free hand, Jack started to comb Daniel's hair, not sure whether he was doing this to smooth the younger man or himself. In a minute Janet was on the phone.

“Colonel?”

“Janet! Janet, something is very wrong with Daniel! He is in a lot of pain, and he puked and… and…”

“Colonel, Colonel! I need you to calm down.” She adopted her full commando mode. “Tell me the symptoms the more accurately you can.” 

“Ok, ok.” Jack took a deep breath to try to calm down and began to speak. “It's his belly, Janet. He was fine… well, he said he had had a bit of stomach ache before, but he said he was fine, and all of a sudden he screamed and he said there was something wrong in his belly. Janet, he's in a lot of pain and I don't know what to do.”

“Colonel, did you say he threw up?”

“Yes, yes and then he said he wasn't feeling better and he collapsed to the floor. You know how he is Janet, he always says he is fine, and now… god, he is in agony.”

“Colonel, I need to know if he has a fever. Can you take his temperature?”

“What? Yes, temperature, ok, hold on.”

He rushed to the bathroom cabinet and got the thermometer. Daniel’s mouth was clamped shut but he managed to put it under his armpit. Jack pressed his hand against his forehead. It was hot, the skin clammy and ashen.

“J'ck… aaahg, god… h'rts so much…” he sobbed weakly.

“Daniel, I'm here, I won't leave you, hold on, baby, I got Frasier, she's gonna fix you. I love you, you hear me? Everything is gonna be fine.”

A second too late he realized Janet was on the other side of the phone, and she could have easily heard about the “ _baby_ " and “ _love_ " part. He decided that he didn't care. The thermometer beeped.

“Janet, he has a fever. 101.”

“Ok, noted. Colonel, this could be a lot of things, a residual effect of the mission or something so earthly as appendicitis.”

“Appendicitis?” I don't think so, doc. Charlie was operated of appendicitis when he was seven but he didn't experience such amount of pain.”

“Colonel, Daniel's symptoms fit with a ruptured appendix. I won't lie to you, this could be very serious. I need you to try to help him to relax and keep him comfortable. I'll take the chopper. We'll be there in ten!” She hung up.

Jack focused all his attention on his lover again. His face was contorted in agony and the grip around his belly had loosened, not for lack of pain but for lack of strength to hold the grip. Now his arms were laying almost boneless on the floor. The colonel went to grab a towel, folded it, and cushioned Daniel's head carefully. He adjusted the quilt and took one of the archaeologist’s hands on his and squeezed a bit. Daniel didn’t squeeze back. He had run out of strength. He was laying motionless except for the spasms that were shaking his body. His half-opened eyes were staring unfocused at a nonexistent spot and he was whimpering weakly. Jack took his pulse. It was too fast and weak for comfort. How could have he deteriorated do fast? He was ok ten minutes ago. Janet said maybe his appendix had ruptured. Perhaps the effect was similar to being shoot. At least with a gunshot wound, there would be something he could do, an open wound where to put pressure on.

He was a man of action and hated it when there was nothing he could do. It made him feel completely useless and his mind kept wandering to the worse case scenarios. God, this couldn’t be happening. After everything they had been through the last months, couldn't they just have a bit of peace? Jack wasn't ashamed to admit he was scared shitless. Was it possible he could lose Daniel just after they had decided to commit to their relationship? He brushed his hand around his face in frustration and realized his cheeks were damp. He hadn't even realized he was crying.

“God, Danny,” he choked. “You have to be ok, please, I don't know what's this but please, hold on, please baby, hold on.” Then he lay on the floor in front of him and cupped his face with his other hand. He started to run soothing circles with his thumb across the archaeologist’s cheeks and temples.

“Danny, Danny look at me please, I'm here, everything is gonna be fine. Janet’s coming. She'll have you hooked in his net of wires and juices in no time. Please look at me.”

Daniel must have heard him because his eyes regained a bit of focus and they moved to meet Jack's gaze.

“J'ck… J'ck... wh't… wh't…”

“Janet’s not sure, Danny. She said it might be your appendix. She’ll be here in no time, you just have to hang on for a little while longer.”

“C'nt… c'nt… h'rts…” His voice faded to nothing in the last word.

“I know, baby, I know.” Jack squished his hand again and smiled when he noticed him squishing back.

“Ba…by…?”

“Yeah… if you don't like it I can't call you something else, maybe Spacemonkey or Plantboy.”

Daniel half-smiled at Jack’s attempt to humor.

“No, n-o-o-o… b'by is… ok….I l'ke it…nobody n'ver… call'd me… t'th… j'st yu…” His face crumpled again in his torment. Pain tears rolled past his chin and splashed on the floor. Jack brushed them softly with his thumb. Daniel’s skin was paler every second.

Suddenly Jack noticed a muffled sound approaching their position.

_Chuf-chuf-chuf-chuf-chuf-chuf-chuf._

He instantaneously recognized the whir of a chopper's blades. Janet had arrived. Thank god there was a square right in front of Daniel's building large enough to allow the helicopter to land safely.

“Danny, Janet's here, you hear that? She's here, everything is gonna be fine.

Jack listened to the chopper landing noisily and two minutes later he heard Janet and someone else coming into the apartment.

“Colonel!”

“Janet, bathroom!”

Janet and the two nurses that were accompanying her rushed towards the bathroom. They were carrying a portable stretcher. Janet came in first and stopped on her tracks. Colonel O’Neill was laying totally naked on the floor soothing a very ill Dr. Jackson, who was lying covered by a comforter. Janet’s sharp mind put quickly two and two together. She turned on her heels and quickly raised a hand to stop the two assistants.

“Wait here, that's an order.” The nurses made a face but obeyed without questioning.

Janet came into the bathroom, grabbed a big towel from the towel rack right away, and covered the officer.

“Colonel, sir, let me check on Daniel.”

Jack noticed the weight of the piece of cloth on his body.

“Janet… wha…? Oh, shit! He suddenly realized the compromising position Janet had caught him in. He stood up at the double and adjusted the towel on his waist.

Janet kneeled in front of Daniel, who was still shaking and whimpering.

“Megan, Steve, come in!” The two nurses kneeled next to her. “Daniel, sweety, it's Janet. I need to roll you over, ok?

The archaeologist acknowledged her presence and nodded weakly.

“Ok. Steven, behind him. Here, ok, let's go. One, two, three.” They rolled Daniel to a supine position and Janet peeled off the comforter. Like the colonel, he was completely naked, so she just mentally confirmed her equation. She checked his pulse, breathing, temperature, and blood pressure.

“Sweety, I'm going to palpate your belly, just tell me where it hurts the most, ok?

“’kay… J'ck…?

“He is here, Daniel. Colonel, you can take his hand, this is going to hurt.”

Jack kneeled beside the doctor, took Daniel's hand in his and squeezed a bit. Daniel squeezed back recognizing his presence. Janet began to palpate Daniel's lower abdomen carefully, around his navel. He groaned feebly at every push. Then Janet reached the lower right section in his belly. She pressed her fingers down and let loose.

“Aaaaaaaaaaghhhh, god! Daniel screamed and squeezed Jack's hand with a strength he no longer believed he had. Suddenly his face bleached completely and started to gag.

“He's gonna throw up, quick, help me roll him on his side!” ordered Janet.

The moment they turned him around he vomited violently remains of bile and saliva. Jack kept squeezing his hand and ran circles on his back in support.

“All my bets are in a ruptured appendix. We need to take him to the base ASAP! Colonel, go get dressed, you may want to accompany us in the chopper.”

“What?”He looked at his body stunned. “Damn, right, right. Be right back Daniel, I'm not leaving you alone, you hear me, I'll be right back.” He ran to the bedroom.

Finally, Daniel stopped retching. While Janet inserted and fixed an IV cannula in his arm, Megan put an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth and Steven set up the stretcher. When Jack came back fully dressed Daniel was laying wrapped in a safety blanket and they were finishing tightening the stretcher’s straps. Whatever Janet had injected in the IV hadn't hit yet, cause Daniel was writhing in pain just the same.

“C'mon people, let's get moving!” ordered the doctor.

Jack couldn't help but admire her resolution and determination. Janet might be small in size, but she was a truly heavyweight in her field.

They made it to the chopper in record time. A considerable amount of people had gathered on the plaza to witness the unusual action. Janet and her team ignored the curious inquires and they quickly secured the patient, took their positions and the chopper took off. Jack didn’t like a bit the frown on Janet’s face. A concerned Dr. Frasier was always a very bad omen. She kept assessing Daniel’s condition and injecting vials in the IV. Jack never loosened his lover’s hand. In five minutes they covered the fourteen miles to the base. They landed, fast moved Daniel to the gurney which was waiting for him and raced towards the infirmary.

“C’mon people, move, move move!”

Sam, Teal’c, and the general were waiting for them at the entrance of the infirmary. They saw Daniel’s face distorted in pain and they all gasped at a time.

“Daniel!”

“DanielJackson!”

“Dr. Jackson!”

She rushed her patient to the room without bothering to answer any question.

“Colonel, stay here. I’ll inform you all as soon as possible!”

“But…”

“No buts! People, keep moving!”

The infirmary door closed behind her, leaving a frantic Jack behind.

“Colonel, what happened?” inquired Hammond. His powerful voice had decreased two octaves.

“I’m not sure general. Fraiser thinks it may be his appendix.”

“His appendix? Is he going to be ok?” Asked Sam in concern.

“How the hell am I going to know it, Major?! Sam froze where she stood at the Colonel’s outburst. “Sorry, sorry Carter, it’s just…”

“I think you are just expressing your concern for DanielJackson, O’Neill.

Jack glared at him in his typical _ya think_ expression. Sometimes Teal’c stoicism got on his nerves. He flopped into one of the chairs that were aligned against the wall and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Jesus, If I hadn’t been with him when he had the attack. He was in so much pain he couldn’t even move.” He buried his face into his hands. He couldn’t stop wondering if his doings with Daniel had caused the rupture. If it was the case and Daniel wouldn’t survive, he could never, never forgive himself.

They were staying in silence, each one of them trying to push aside their worst fears when Janet stormed in.

“Doc!”

“Janet!”

“Doctor Frasier!”

“Doctor!”

“An echography confirmed the initial diagnostic. His appendix is ruptured.

“How bad is it Doctor?” Hammond asked trying to keep a calm tone.

“Is not good, Sir. The infection may have spread into his abdominal cavity. We won’t know how bad until we operate on him. He is on prep right now, highly sedated an in no pain anymore. I’ll assist Dr. Warner in the surgery. You better go and have some rest, this is going to take a while.”

“Janet, is there anything we can do?”

“Pray Sam, pray”. And she left, leaving a very concerned Major, a General and a Jaffa and a terrified Colonel.

Jack was paralyzed on his chair, his face beyond pale. Seeing that, Hammond tried to reassure him.

“He is going to be ok, Jack.” It was never a good sign when the general used his first name. “Dr. Jackson is a strong man, he’ll pull through.

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ll be in my office. Please inform me of any news.” And he left, not being sure if he could be able to concentrate on his job for the next hours. He had a soft spot for the young archaeologist and his heart usually skipped some beats when he was in any danger.

Sam sat on the chair next to Jack and squeezed his hand. She noticed his eyes were swollen as if he had been crying. It surprised her but she didn’t blame him, she was about to do it herself.

“He is going to be ok, Sir,” she said more to reassure herself than him. You know Daniel and his nine lives.

He side-eyed her. “Yes, carter.” He stood up and paced. It wasn’t Carter’s hand he wanted to touch.

“I’m gonna get some coffee. You want something?”

“Thank you, Sir, the usual.”

“I’m in no need to ingest anything at the moment, O’Neill.”

“Right.” And he left abruptly. Instead of going to the cafeteria he came into the nearest bathroom and locked himself into the toilet stall. He braced his hands against the door. He couldn’t breathe.

_Pray._

Janet’s words echoed in his mind sending shivers down his spine. His heart was pumping top speed while it was constricted at the same time. Was it even physically possible? He tried to even his breathing but there was no avail. He was worried sick for his lover. Lover. Could he actually call him that? They hadn’t made love yet, technically speaking. Yes, he decided, even if they’d never get to do it, Daniel was his lover, in all senses. He inhaled deeply. He had to go back to the waiting room. There could be news about the archaeologist at any moment.

He went to the commissary without looking or talking to anyone. He got the coffee, black for him, cappuccino for Carter, and went back to meet his teammates. He gave her drink to the Major, who took it with shaking hands.

“Thank you, Sir.”

The three of them sat in silence, none of them daring to express their worst fears. After a while, Jack stood up and started to pace again.

“It’s been almost an hour. Charlie… he got his appendix removed when he was seven. He was in surgery less than an hour. We should know something soon.”

“It was lucky that you were with him when it happened, Sir. You probably saved his life.”

“Yeah, Carter. A luck.” _Maybe I did this to him in the first place_. “I go inside.”

“Doctor Frasier instructed us clearly about remaining here, O’Neill.”

“We are all worried, Colonel, but there is nothing we can’t do right now.”

“I hate this. I mean… being here, doing nothing while Daniel might be…”

He couldn't finish the sentence. He looked at his teammates, his friends, his… family. Sam’s expression was of big concern. She was pale and her gaze was dull and a bit unfocused. Even Teal’c seemed stiffer than usual. He realized that even if they were not expressing their fears with words, they were scared as well. He sat down again and squeezed Teal’c’s shoulder and Sam’s hand, forced an empathetic smile, and buried his fingers through his hair again. Time passed on and no news.

“Damn, it’s been more than two hours now. Something's wrong.”

“Janet and Dr. Warner are the best in their field, Sir. I'm sure they’ll pull Daniel through it.” Sam was conscious that she was saying this to reassure herself more than anyone else.

“I also have my most high confidence in their capabilities.”

At that moment Janet made her appearance. Jack, Sam, and Teal’c shot off from their chairs.

“Doc!” Jack tried to read her face but he couldn’t.

“It was close, Colonel, but he’s going to be fine. If you hadn’t called me when you did… His appendix was indeed badly ruptured and the infection had begun to spread into his abdominal cavity. We made an intense cleaning, but he'll be hooked on strong antibiotics for a while to get rid of the remaining infection. We'll be monitoring his temperature carefully for some days. If he does ok I’ll let him go home in two or three weeks but he won’t be fit for duty until two or three more. It's going to be a slow recovery.”

Jack’s world sank.

“It's fortunate that it didn’t happen off-world. We would be telling a very different story.”

“Yeah, a… luck.” Jack's mind raced to the worst possible scenarios. What if had happened on Ernest’s planet? Or in Cimmeria? Or in Netu? He quickly pushed these thoughts away. Screw the _whats if._ That happened on Earth and Daniel was gonna be ok.

“I thought appendixes only ruptured if they are not treated on time, but Daniel was ok before, wasn't he?” Sam asked.

“Oh, believe me, Sam, for sure he had been in quite a pain for hours.”

“Damn the man. You fix him doc, because when he is ok… I’m gonna kill him!

“Although he cares a lot about his friends' welfare, DanielJackson doesn’t usually pay attention to his own discomforts, O'Neill.”

“You telling me?” he scowled. ”Anyway, Doc, can we see him?”

“He's in post-OP now. We'll set him in the ICU within the hour. I suggest you all go to eat something and come back afterward.” She noticed the concerned look on the Colonel. Now she knew more than she should about his relationship with the archaeologist, and she could imagine the stress he was in right now. She smiled at him sympathetically. “He’ll make a full recovery, Sir. Now go get some rest so you can be ready for him. I foresee many bedside hours on the horizon.” And with that, she went back to her duty.

Sam was wearing a huge smile of relief. The color had returned to her cheeks. “ I could use a jell-O. You guys wanna come?” She noticed Teal'c's tension had also loosened but the colonel still looked haunted.

“You go, Carter, I’ll be at my office. See you in one hour.” And he left with no more comments.

“I will accompany you, MajorCarter.” He saw a frown drawn in her face while she looked at the colonel going. “Is there anything wrong, MajorCarter?”

“Mmm, no, I don’t know, I mean, the colonel…” There was something… new in his commanding officer attitude, but she couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. “It’s nothing, I guess he is just worried for Daniel. They are really good friends, not that he’s never going to admit out loud how much he cares, isn’t he?

“Indeed.” A suspicious smile and a raised eyebrow accompanied Teal’c’s reply, which left Sam even more confused.

***

Jack closed the door of his office behind him, slumped into his chair, and sighed heavily. He needed to regain some composure before he betrayed himself and revealed his feelings for Daniel to the entire base. Janet was aware of them for sure now. His behavior was being the one of a scared lover more than the one of a commanding officer and friend. Huh! Who the hell was he trying to lie? He was a scared lover. In fact, a terrified one. He damned the Air Force regulations and the DADT policy. Twice Sarah had been in a hospital during their relationship, and both times he had been able to be there for her, holding her hand, kissing her, shooting her with reassuring and loving words. He wouldn’t be able to do this for Daniel and that pissed him big time. He stayed there for almost an hour, playing with his yo-yo and trying to bring his nerves back on place.

He got up and made his way to the infirmary with a blank face, trying to conceal the anxiety he was feeling. He arrived at the same time as Sam and Teal’c. Janet arrived a bit later.

“Hey, you can see him now, but just for five minutes, ok? He is still out cold from the anesthesia. He’ll be still sleeping for a while. We left a drain inserted in the incision for precaution, but if everything comes up clean we’ll remove it in a couple of days. He also has a Foley catheter. All in all, he won’t be able to move much for a few days. He’ll be in pain when he wakes up, we’ll dose the painkillers on the way.”

Of all the speech Jack underlined drain, Foley catheter, and pain. He grimaced. They all followed Janet to one of the ICU isolated rooms.

“If everything is ok we’ll move him in a few days.”

They all came into the room. He didn’t look so bad. The only visible machinery was the device monitoring his vitals and the IV attached to his arm. Three different kinds of stuff were being injected into his vein. He looked peaceful in his sleep. As soon as they were next to him, Sam ran her fingers through his hair lovingly and caressed his cheek with the dorse of his hand. Jack felt a strike of jealousy. How unfair was that he wasn’t able to do that? He was dying to touch him, caress him, kiss him, and do him any other stuff meant to ease his pain. After five minutes Janet asked them to leave.

“Janet, let me stay with him please, I want to be here when he wakes up.” Jack didn’t dare to move his gaze away from Daniel. He didn’t want to miss any sign of waking up.

The doctor studied him for a couple of seconds. She understood what he might be feeling. She sighed with resignation.

“Ok, Colonel, but just you. And only if you promise me you won’t try to wake him up.”

“Boy scout promise.” He grinned and stretched out his three middle fingers.

“I doubt you ever were a boy scout, Colonel,” she laughed.

Sam and Teal’c said their goodbyes to the dormant archaeologist and they left the room, leaving Jack and Daniel alone. The older man sat on the stool next to the bed. He observed the archaeologist’s face for a while admiring his handsomeness. It’s not that he hadn’t been aware of that before, but after the recent events, he felt entitled to feel engrossed by that. Daniel’s body was covered by a sheet, but his arms were resting freely on the covers. Jack swallowed, reached out a shaking hand, and took Daniel’s on his. It felt clammy under his touch.

“Daniel…” his voice sounded raspy and he cleared his throat. “Danny, I’m here, Janet fixed you and you’ll be ok, you hear me?” He made a pause and swallowed again. “Janet told me not to try to wake up, but, well, you know me, you don’t take orders from me and I don’t take orders from her, so, please, open your baby blues for me, will ya? You scared the shit out of me, I need to know you are really ok.”

Daniel didn’t move and the older man rubbed his thumb across the dorse of his hand. “You have to be ok soon, we have some unfinished business here, you know? I was thinking that when you’re feeling better, I don’t know, we could stay some days at the cabin so you can fully recover. What do you say?”

Daniel continued out cold. Jack took his time to admire the beloved face. The archaeologist was always so expressive that seeing him so still was giving the colonel the creeps. Only the beeps on the monitors and the slight movement on his chest rising and going down were the indicatives that he was alive. He found himself staring at Daniel's full lips. He now knew how soft and warm they were under their own. He was dying to get lost in the bright blue pools that were Daniel's eyes and to kiss those perfect lips again.

Suddenly Daniel's breathing became a bit more evident and his eyelids started to flutter. A thin line of blue became visible between his eyelashes.

“Hey, hey, Danny, hi… “ Jack smiled and added a bit of pressure on his lover's hand.

“J'ck?”

“Hi there.” The colonel smile widened.

Daniel noticed the smell of antiseptic in the air and frowned. “Inf'rmary? Wh't h'ppnd?” he asked hoarsely.

“You don't remember?”

“N-o-o-o…” the frown deepened. Y-e-e-s… pain… belly…”

“Your appendix ruptured, baby, but Janet says you're going to be fine. I'm gonna get her, ok?”

Daniel nodded weakly but he stopped as a wave of nausea hit him. Jack punched the call button. In thirty seconds a nurse came in and made a quick inspection of the machine monitoring the archaeologist’s vitals.

“Hi, Dr. Jackson. Welcome back. How are you feeling?”

“Cott'n… m'uth…”

“I'll go get Dr. Faiser and I'll see if I can bring you some ice-chips.” He left with a smile.

Daniel looked at Jack with dopey eyes and tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, a bit.”

Janet came in with a firm step, followed by the nurse.

“Well, Dr. Jackson, welcome back to the world of the living.”

“Did I die?”

“No, but you might have, Daniel. Why didn't you tell me you were in pain?”

“Tho’ght it w's str'ss.”

“You should have known better. If you hadn't been with Colonel O'Neill it might have been too late,” she scolded him.

Daniel gave Jack a half apology-half thankfulness look.

“So, how is pain, from 1 to 10?”

“Mmm… five?”

“Let's make it a seven. Nausea?”

“Y's.”

She gave some instructions to the nurse, who came back in a minute with a couple of vials and some ice-chips. Janet injected the content of the vial into the IV.

“And now Dr. Jackson, hear me out. Your appendix ruptured and it started to infect your abdomen. It's a very serious condition. We took it in time, barely, so never, never conceal something like that again, you hear me?” Daniel nodded guiltily. “You have a drain inserted in the incision. If everything is ok I'll remove it in a couple of days. For the time being your only work is to bedrest and sleep. There is still a residual infection so you'll be on antibiotics for some days. You'll feel weak, feverish, and in pain for some days but if the pain increases beyond your five, tell me right away. You hear me? We'll try some food in a couple of days, but for now, you can only have some ice-chips if you're thirsty. Is everything clear?

Daniel nodded. “Loud ‘nd cl'ar."

Then Janet smiled fondly. "You scared us all Daniel. I'm so happy you're ok. ” She squeezed his hand and then left with the nurse on her heels.

Jack whistled. "I think I fell short with the Napoleonic power monger," he grinned at Daniel, who rolled his eyes.

“But she is right, you know? When you were laying there, Jesus, Daniel, I thought I was going to lose you.” His eyes suddenly moistened. “Don’t you dare to scare me like that again, you hear me? I love you, Danny, more than anything, if you…” his voice choked with emotion and he fought back tears.

Daniel reached out his hand and brushed his cheek weakly. “Hey, hey… I’m ok, I’m ok…”

“I love you Danny, I love you so much…”

“Ditto, Jack.”

“Ditto?”

“Jack, we’re on the base.” He whispered. His voice was still weak but clearer.

“Yeaaah, about that…”

“What?”

“Huh…”

“Jack?”

“Ja-net…might…huh… know.”

“What?! Ouch! He winced and brought a hand to his belly. Jack rushed to the call button. “I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok…” He was panting.

“Sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I sorta pulled the gash a little bit.”

Jack sat down on the stool again.

“Jack, what do you mean Janet might know. How?”

“Well… hum… when you were crumpled down on the floor, agonizing, I sorta… forgot we were both… naked, so when… hmmm, Janet arrived she sorta… found me… naked… laying next to… you… sorta caressing… you…” He shrugged and made a crooked grin.

“Sorta fuck.” He sank deeper into the mattress.

“Yeah, you can say that, and we haven’t even fucked yet…” Daniel scowled at him. “What? You were dying on me again, I'm sorry if I couldn't think straight for a while!”

“Ok, ok, sorry, I guess you were scared.”

“It doesn’t cover the half of it. I was panic-stricken, terrified, scared shitless…”

“I get it, I get it. So, do you think she's going to say anything?”

“I hope not, but if he does, I'll put my resignation.”

“You don't mean that.”

“Oh, believe me, I do. You're not going to get rid of me so easily, Doctor.”

“Then let's hope it doesn't come to that.” Daniel didn't give much credit to Jack's comment. Yes, Jack loved him, but sacrifice his career for him? Jack had been willing to retire once when he had thought him lost in Oanes, but it was the shock talking then, as it was now, wasn't it? The whole thing was starting to give him a headache.

“Jack, I feel a bit tired, this Janet meds-cocktail is making me kinda drowsy.”

“Yes, sure, take a nap, you have a long recovery to do. I'll be here when you wake up.”

“Jack, go and take some rest, too. I'm not going anywhere. I'm fine and I will be fine. Go eat something…” He yawned and winced.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, just a bit.”

“Get some rest, Danny, I'll stay until you fall asleep.”

***

Two days later the drain was definitely coming clean so Janet removed it and closed the incision. Two days later Daniel left the ICU. Hammond decided not to schedule any mission for SG-1 for the next three weeks until the archaeologist was fully recovered, so Teal’c went to play with SG-6 for a while, Sam went to play with her Naquada reactor and Jack went to play with his archaeologist. When he wasn’t needed to give some strategic advice on some SGC operation or wasn’t asked to supervise some report, he was sitting at Daniel’s bedside, sometimes bickering, sometimes exchanging love words and sometimes just watching him sleep. The was still some residual infection accompanied by a low-grade fever. The archaeologist was much better, but the fact he wasn’t tearing his hair and pleading Janet to be released, proved how weak and sore he was still feeling. Jack was sitting leaned to the bed, looking at the younger man sleeping, rejoicing in how beautiful and young he looked on his sleep when Janet came in.

“Colonel, can you come to my office, please?”

“Is something wrong with Daniel, Janet?” His heart skipped a beat. He was doing fine, wasn’t he? What hadn’t she told him?

“No, no, Daniel is doing just fine, I hope to discharge him in a week, ten days top.”

“Good, that’s good news.” He stood up and followed the doctor to her office.

“Please, sit down, colonel.” She cleared her throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something rather… delicate.”

Jack had been dreading this conversation for days. “Go on.” His expression was blank.

“First of all, I wanna say your little… secret is safe with me, Sir. I don't know what you were exactly doing when Daniel had the attack and is none of my business, but whatever it was, it didn’t aggravate his condition.” She could see a tiny sign of relief on the colonel’s face. She had guessed well. “You know I care a lot for you and Daniel,” and, well… I’m happy for you both…Sir.” She smiled mischievously. Jack remained silent. There was no avail in admitting or denying anything. As he had guessed, Janet was smart enough to put two and two together. And he was relieved that it wasn't him who had hurt his lover.

“The thing is, Colonel, I wasn’t alone when I came to Daniel’s apartment. Four days ago I heard two of my nurses gossiping about the two of you. I ignored it, but yesterday, well, it happened again, with two other members of my staff. I read them the riot act but, the fact that you spend so much time on Daniel’s bedside, well, It doesn’t help.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. Jack, you and Daniel are like family to me. I don’t want any of you to be in trouble for this. Just, please, take care.”

Jack remained immobile for a few seconds. Then he stood up slowly. “Thank you, Janet, I… I’ll take care of this.” And he left, but instead of going back to Daniel’s bedside, he went straight to his office and closed the door. He did a mental recall of the last week's events. Damn, Janet was right, he needed to put a stop. As much as it hurt him, he had to get some distance from Daniel at the base and wait for the dust to settle. He went to see the Hammond.

“Colonel, just the person I wanted to see. Come on in, sit down.”

“Yes, Sir.” Before Jack had time to expose his demand, the General spoke.

“Jack…” the use of his first name triggered Jack’s alarms. “ I’m going to give you and your team some vacation. Tell Teal’c he has my permission to go to visit his son. As for you, Colonel, I’m not going to ask anything, but I suggest you do yourself a favor and take some days out of town. Go fish to that cabin of yours or wherever, but I don’t want to see you at the base in two weeks. Do you get my message, Colonel?”

“Yes, Sir, loud and clear.”

“Dismissed.”

He got up and before he could turn the doorknob, the General added something in a soft paternalist tone.

“Off the record Jack, take care. I’m not supposed to have any favoritism due to my position, but the truth is, I think of you as a good friend and I feel that Dr. Jackson is like a son to me. I don’t want either of you two to get hurt.”

“Thank you, George.”

Jack went to inform his teammates but he didn’t come back to the infirmary that day. The next morning he went to talk to his archaeologist. He found him chatting with Sam.

“Hey, Jack, where have you been?”

“Hmm, Carter, could you, hmm…?”

Sam took the hint and got up. “See you later, Daniel.” She kissed him in the cheek. Jack winced. How unfair was that?

The Colonel kept the distance from the bed and didn’t take the chair that Sam had left. Daniel noticed the deep crease in his brow.

“Jack, what’s wrong?” Jack didn’t reassure him immediately, so the archaeologist's worrisome increased. “Jack?”

“It had been some… gossip around. Janet knows about us, she didn’t say anything but looks like a nurse spilled the beans. The general suspects something, also. He gave us two weeks vacation and he suggested me to… well, to get some distance.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, my words exactly. I’ll go up to Minnesota tomorrow. I hate to leave you here, but…”

“Hey, hey, I understand. I guess we both need to learn how to deal with all that new stuff at the base.”

“So…”

“So…”

“I’ll come to see you tomorrow before leaving. I think I’ll… go to have a haircut now. Hmm… bye.” Jack didn’t trust to add anything else without letting his emotions take action on the matter. He left, mentally kicking the regulations that forbid him to do what he most wished at the moment: To hold, caress, kiss, and soothe his other half.

Daniel watched him leaving and he felt his heart constrict and a lump formed in his throat. Every passing day he loved him more, if possible. It would be difficult to keep his feelings at bay when other people were around, but there was no option. He’d never do anything to harm Jack. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but there were too many thoughts troubling his mind.

***

The next day Jack went to say his goodbye as promised. They put on an act and then Jack went to see Sam and pushed the act further. For a second he feared she’d accept his invitation to the cabin.

And then…

… everything went to hell in a handbasket.

Thor beamed Jack and gave him a free ticket to a suicidal mission. Thankfully Sam thought of a solution to skip the death part, but it didn’t avoid Daniel to freak out while his friends, his family, was up there fighting for their lives. His insistence on being in the control room to check the mission progress didn’t do any good to the remaining pain in his belly.

After the Stargate disappeared, presumably to help SG-1 to escape from Thor’s ship, a wave of dizziness assaulted Daniel. Once they had confirmation that the ship had blown up, and there wasn’t a way to know if they had escaped in time, Daniel’s anxiety increased exponentially along with his nausea. All color drained from his face and he swayed on his chair.

“Dr. Jackson, are you unwell?” asked Major Davis politely.

Seeing the state of his archaeologist, the General dialed the infirmary.

“I’m General Hammond. Tell Dr. Fraiser to come to the control room immediately to take Dr. Jackson. He's not feeling so good.”

Daniel leaned forward and held his head with the heels of his hands. He swallowed deeply to keep at bay the breakfast that was threatening to reappear. An angry Janet arrived and checked his vitals.

“Daniel, you can't be wandering around the base like that. You’re recovering from a very serious condition.”

He wanted to yell that he needed to do something for his friends, that he wasn’t doing any good stuck in a bed, that he just needed to be there, needed to be near Jack.

“Your blood pressure is a bit low and you still have some low degree fever.” Said Janet removing the cuff. “Nausea? Pain?”

He nodded weakly.

“Both?”

He nodded again.

“Dr. Jackson, there is nothing we can do for SG-1 until the spare Stargate is set. You need to rest until you’re fully recovered.” Hammond said empathetically.

“I’ll get a wheelchair,” Janet resolved.

“No, no, I can walk.”

“Daniel?”

“I can walk,” he stated a bit too sharply. He knew he was being rude, but he was feeling embarrassed enough.

Resigned, Janet helped him to steady and they left.

***

The next few days were torture for Daniel. The anxiety of the uncertainty didn’t let him relax nor rest well, but at least his scar was healing quickly. After four days hooked to medication, the queasiness in his stomach abated and Janet discharged him on the condition that he’d stay on base and on very light duty. Anyway, he was unable to concentrate on anything. His heart was aching for his friends and in agony for Jack.

Finally, nine days after the ship's disappearance into the ocean, Jack, Sam, and Teal’c reappeared through the Stargate. The joy he felt when he saw his lover, his other half, his life walking down the ramp, was overwhelming. He was dying to hug him like they did that day after they blew up Apophis ship, but after the events that had initiated the gossip, neither of them dared. The cordial welcome they shared made their hearts ache. He noticed that Jack staring at him and they locked eyes for a brief moment. Their eyes said what they couldn’t say with words.

_I missed you._

_I missed you too. I love you._

_I love you, and I want you._

And from there, the events rushed again. They found out that there was a colony of replicator bugs inside a Russian submarine, so while Sam went to Thor's planet to assist him, Daniel, Jack, Teal'c, Janet, and Paul Davis, along with a couple of dozens of personnel, set camp in the coast of California.

Jack and Teal'c went to the submarine to kill the most threatening bug, and before Daniel had time to digest what was going on, he was living the worst of the nightmares he could have ever imagined.

He gave the order that would kill Jack. He couldn’t move his eyes away from the monitor.

_Jack’s terrified face when he realized he was going to be eaten alive._

_Jack asking him to blow up the submarine._

_The nukes running their curse._

_Jack looking directly at his eyes, telling him I love you, I’ll miss you, forgive me…_

_The Asgard beam rescuing Jack and Teal’c, bringing the life back to his paralyzed heart._

He sat stiffly for a minute and then he rushed outside. All the tension accumulated for the last two weeks got loose. He ran until he reached a shed out of sight from the main building. He braced against the wall and threw up violently for several seconds. The bile was burning his stomach and throat. He wrapped an arm around his aching midsection and held it tight. An appendix couldn't grow up again, could it? He was still dry-heaving when he noticed a hand rubbing his back. He looked out of the corner of his eye and saw the face of Paul Davis.

“Dr. Jackson… Daniel… are you ok?

He swallowed and nodded. He wanted to tell Davis to remove his hand. This wasn’t the hand he wanted to feel on him. The Major had brought a paper cup with water and offered it to the archaeologist. Daniel took it and drank a couple of sips.

“Thanks,” he muttered. He stayed leaning on the wall, panting. A new wave of nausea hit him and he clutched his stomach harder while he vomited the water and some more bile.

“Do you need I get Dr. Fraiser?” Paul squeezed his shoulder in support, and he wanted to scream to him to let go of him, that the only man he wanted to be touched by was Jack. But Jack wasn’t there. Jack was ok, he was ok with Thor, wasn’t he?

He shook his head. “No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine,” he panted.

***

Meanwhile, inside the impromptu base on the harbor, an Asgard beam deposited Jack, Sam, and Teal’c on the floor. The Colonel looked around searching the beloved face of his lover.

“Where is Daniel?” he asked impatiently.

“I saw him go outside,” said Janet. “I was just going to go check on him.”

"I’ll go." He went outside and after a while, he spotted his lover dumped against a wall, with someone else rubbing his back. Jack saw green. He approached them and recognized Major Davis. He wanted to yell at him to let go of Daniel, but he managed to control his temper. It was a very bad place and moment for a jealous lover scene. He moved closer to the two men and acknowledged Paul.

“Major Davis.”

“Ah, Colonel, Sir, welcome back,” he smiled sincerely.

“I’ll take care of Dr. Jackson, Major. You can go back inside.” That sounded a bit harsher than he intended, but it worked.

Paul left them alone. He waited for Davis to enter the building and he turned around to face Daniel. He was still kneeling, but he had also turned around and was looking at him with glistening eyes. They stayed there for a few seconds, just staring at each other, a mixture of feelings floating in the air: love, despair, guilt, forgiveness, need… Then Daniel suddenly stood up and launched towards his lover. At that moment he gave a damn for the regulations and the gossip. He felt that If he didn’t hug Jack right away, he was going to be insane. So he embraced him tight, and he buried his face on the hollow of his neck, and silent tears began to roll down his face, dampening the older man’s tee. Jack hugged him back, hard. Daniel started to shake.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, god Jack, I almost killed you, I’m sorry!” the archaeologist sobbed.

“Daniel, what…? But the archaeologist didn’t let him continue.

“It's my fault, don't you see? It was me who realized the original bug was still in the sub. I sent you there, I sent you there, I sent you there, and then, then I sent the nukes, I… I…”

He was talking a hundred miles per hour and sobbing and hiccupping at the same time. His anxiety was in crescendo and his breathing was dangerously reaching the border of hyperventilation. Then all of a sudden his attitude changed 360 degrees. He abruptly stopped crying and pushed Jack away, hard. His eyes sent daggers to the older man.

“You bastard!” He accused emphasizing every word with a push. “Don't ever, ever in your fucking life ask me something like that again! How could you? How could you?! Why me? Why me?! He wrapped his arms around his middle and started to pace. Jack was speechless. After some steps, Daniel suddenly stopped and faced the older man again. His face crumpled and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. His voice faded to a whisper.

“I would have died, Jack, don't you see? If those nukes... I thought… I thought I was killing you… god, my heart stopped, I didn't think I could be able to breathe again. If Thor hadn't… I couldn’t have been able to live with myself. Why did you ask me? Why me?” he repeated, “Why…?”

Jack pulled him into a fierce hug. Daniel tried to push him away but the Colonel's hold was tight. Eventually, he surrendered into the older man's arms.

“Danny, I'm so, so sorry… I thought we were goners, I didn't want you to see me die like that, eaten alive by those damn bugs. I knew you wouldn’t look away, like that time with Hathor. I'm so, so sorry, so sorry… It was the best option for me, and I trusted you.”

Daniel pulled apart, getting enough distance to look at Jack directly in the eyes. A sudden thought struck his mind. He pushed Jack and stepped backward until he hit the wall, a horror expression on his face.

“Oh my god, it's me, it' me,” he panted, his eyes wide open.

“Daniel, what are you talking about? Jack was starting to get scared.

“Jack, don't you see?” His face contorted as if in pain. “I'm cursed or something, I'm a jinx.” His voice trailed off and his whole body started to tremble.

“Daniel, stop it, you're not making any sense.”

The archaeologist started to shook his head. “No, no don't you see? Everyone I love dies. It's me. My parents, Sha're…. and you Jack, you almost died today because of me…

“Daniel, stop, you're starting to piss me off. It wasn't you, it was those damned bugs!

“But I sent you in there, don't you see? I never do any good to you. On our first mission, on Chulak, I gave you away when I saw Sha're. They almost killed us all. And with the Nox, I forced you to attack Apophis and we all were killed, and then on Ernest planet I almost let my obsession kill us both, and when I thought you had blown up with Apophis ship, It was me who insisted…

“Daniel, stop!!!”

… and… and on Shayla’s planet, you almost died again, my fault again, and that alien orb I thought was so fascinating, and I came up with the idea of visiting P3R272 and all that huge database downloaded on your brain…" he started to hyperventilate.

Jack ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He didn't know how to calm him down. He looked like a jailed lion and he wasn't sure if trying to touch him would do any good at the moment. He knew in his state, nothing he could say would reach the archaeologist.

“God Jack, how can you bear staying near me?” I'll get you killed eventually, don’t you see? I can't… I can't do this anymore…”

He stared at Jack with glassy eyes. His breathing was more labored every second. Suddenly he clutched his chest and doubled over. He dropped to his knees, gasping for air. Jack recognized a full-scale panic attack. He launched towards his lover and helped him to lay down on the ground. He rolled him to his side, to the recovery position Then he rushed toward the main building but just as he turned around the corner of the shed he saw two airmen who were carrying some supplies.

“Airmen! He yelled out, “Bring Dr. Fraiser in here, now!!!

Both men saluted, left their cargo on the ground, and ran to the main building. Jack went back to his lover and pulled him onto his lap. Daniel's eyes were wide open but completely unfocused. He was moving his mouth, like a fish out of water. He was unable to get enough air inside his lungs. Jack took his pulse. It was way too fast. He pressed his palm against his forehead and cheeks. His skin was clammy. Daniel's hand was still clutching his chest. Jack covered it with his own and started to soothe the younger man.

“Danny, breath, breath, for god's sake. I'm fine, Teal'c is fine, everything‘s gonna be ok. Nothing of this is your fault, baby.” “Breathe, damn it, Daniel, you gotta breath…”

Janet arrived with Sam and Teal'c hot on her heels. She kneeled immediately next to Daniel.

“Colonel! What happened?!

“I think it’s a panic attack. He started to say nonsense, he thinks everything that happened is his fault, and then he started to hyperventilate.” Jack spoke in a rush. “God, what have I done?”

Meanwhile, she quickly assessed Daniel’s condition and confirmed Jack’s suspicious. “I’m going to need oxygen and other supplies,” she stated.

“I’ll go, DoctorFraiser,” Teal’c offered.

She nodded.”Tell Lieutenant Andrews about the situation. She’ll know what to take.”

Teal’c ran. Once Janet determined that there wasn’t any other threat than Daniel’s difficulty in breathing and too high blood pressure, she lay a hand on Daniel's abdomen and pressed slightly.

“Daniel, can you hear me, sweety? Can you feel my hand? I need you to breath through your abdomen, can you do that?”

The archaeologist went on gasping, his chest moving in short bumps. Jack squeezed his hand. “Danny, listen to Janet, please, everything is gonna be ok.”

“Daniel, don’t try to breathe normally. Feel my hand.” She pressed on his abdomen a little harder. “Imagine you’re taking the air from your belly, feel my hand, try to raise it with your belly.”

Daniel closed his eyes and gulped. He must have heard Janet, cause her hand started to move up and down slightly. After a few seconds, Teal’c arrived carrying an oxygen tank and a portable stretcher, followed by the nurse, Lieutenant Andrews who was holding an emergency bag.

“Janet, is there anything I can do?” asked Sam anxiously. He hated seeing his friend suffering, and after the last weeks, with the appendix’s rupture and all… couldn’t the universe give the man a break?

“Put your hand here.” She removed her had from Daniel’s abdomen and left its place to Sam. The colonel was speaking to the younger man softly, encouraging him to breathe. The nurse set an oxygen mask over the archaeologist's mouth and nose, while Janet prepared a syringe. She quickly injected its contents into Daniel’s arm. After a few moments, his breathing started to even.

“Let’s take him inside,” Janet ordered.

Jack and Teal’c moved him to the stretcher and carried him to the main building. Once they arrived there Daniel’s breathing had almost normalized and he was dozing in a semi-conscious state. They moved him to the extreme of the impromptu infirmary, far from curious looks.

“Let’s move him to a gurney. He needs to rest for a while. She noticed the angst reflected on the colonel’s face. “He’s gonna be ok, colonel,” she reassured him squeezing his upper arm.

“It’s not his physical state I’m worried about, doc.”

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?

“What happened, Janet, is that I forgot Daniel is not a soldier.”

“What do you mean, Sir?” asked Sam with concern.

“I ordered him to shoot the damn nukes, Carter.”

“You did what?!”

“I know, I know! I had my reasons to do it, but I shouldn’t have done it anyway, not to him.”

“DanielJackson is an extremely sensitive person who cares greatly for any lifeform. I don’t think your decision was wise, O’Neill.”

“Damn it, I know!” He didn’t need to be patronized right now. He buried his face into his hands for a moment. “Aagh! I’m gonna have to take great pains to fix it. You should have heard him, Janet. He rode a guilty trip as he never had before. He accused himself of everything, from his parent's death to every one of the moments that my life has been in danger since I met him.”

“Colonel,” Janet adopted her highest professional tone, “Daniel lived the most horrific experience a child can live at a very critical age. Kids tend to feel guilty about their parents’ suffering, after a divorce, for example. The death of both of his parents in front of him is enough to develop an irrational sense of guilt.”

“He never was allowed to mourn,” Jack muttered.

“Sir?” Sam wasn’t sure if she had heard it well.

“We talked about that some weeks ago. He couldn’t mourn his parents then. He had been carrying the guilt for years, but he made peace with himself. Now that damn incident must have triggered everything again.”

“Damn it.”

“Well expressed, Sam. No wonder he’s always so affected ever time life strikes on him.” Janet rubbed her chin in concentration.

“What’s on your mind, doc?” asked Jack suspiciously.

“Well, I was considering, maybe, it would be good if he gets some help.”

“What, a shrink?! No way, Janet, Daniel isn’t nuts and he’s not going to pay for my mistake!”

“I wasn’t suggesting he is, Sir.”

“J’ck?”

“I’ll take care of this,” Jack stated harshly.

“Sir…”

“I said, I’ll take care of this. Dismissed, _Major_.”

Jack had never used his rank to confront Janet before. Although she exceeded his rank in medical decisions, she left with a scowl.

“Carter, Teal’c, I’d like some time with Daniel alone.”

The two of them nodded and left, knowing it was useless to start an argument. Jack sat at Daniel’s bedside.

“Wh’t happen’d?”

“You don’t remember?”

Daniel’s face crumpled in a grimace and he faced the wall. He crossed an arm over his eyes to accentuate the isolation. He didn’t regret what he said, but he was feeling embarrassed about the way he did it. Jack began to speak in a soft tone.

“Daniel, you and I need to have a long talk, just… not here, not now. Let’s go to the cabin for some days. I think we both need a break.” He rested his hand on the archaeologist's shoulder and squeezed a bit, but there wasn’t any reaction. “Danny, please. You can’t go on with all this guilt. We need to sort it out once and for all. Please, let me help you. Come with me to the cabin.”

The younger man didn’t turn around, but he nodded weakly. Jack smiled.

“Good. I’ll inform the general. We can leave in a couple of days.”

***

**_Three days later_ **

It was past four in the afternoon when they arrived at the cabin. They had taken a flight from Denver to Minneapolis and then Jack had driven a rental jeep for three hours more. For the last three days, Daniel had fully recovered from the remaining discomfort of his appendix operation, but still, the long driving from Colorado to Minnesota hadn’t been appealing to him. He had been stuck in bed for most of the past five weeks. Sixteen hours stuck in a car was something he had preferred to avoid.

They had kept a trivial conversation during the way. The general had conceded them ten days. There would be plenty of time to dig into the important stuff. Jack had promised himself that he'd help Daniel to deal with his remaining ghosts and that he'd make him listen to him even if he had to tie him.

There was only one bedroom in the cabin. The other available place for sleeping was the couch in the living room. Jack didn't want to force the situation but he felt immensely relieved when he saw Daniel leaving his luggage in the bedroom, next to his. The archeologist himself wasn’t sure what he was up to, but he was having a strong feeling that Jack and he were whatever they were together, so he acted out of instinct. He had accepted Jack's invitation to go with him because something in the older man's tone had spoken about hope. He was conscious of the ghosts he still had to fight. He had been thinking about everything he had said during his panic attack three days ago and he was feeling uneasy. Part of him was convinced that everything he had said was true, but something was nagging at him, deeply. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. But he had promised to Jack that he'd share his pains with him, so he wasn’t going to push him away this time. It looked like he had learned something after all.

“You hungry?” asked Jack while he opened the windows to air the place.

“Yeah, I could eat something.”

“I’ll go to prepare some sandwiches. Meanwhile, make yourself comfortable.”

Some minutes later they were on the kitchen table eating their sandwiches in silence. Jack didn’t want to force the issue and Daniel… well, Daniel was so confused about everything that he couldn’t put two brain cells to work together.

“It’s a nice place you have in here, Jack. It’s very… cozy.”

Jack smiled and got lost for a while in his memories. “Yeah, I had some good family moments here. I still remember my grandpa mocking me when I couldn’t hold the fishing rod straight. Shit. I’m sorry.”

“Jack, don’t be. I’m glad you had a nice childhood. Someday I’d like to hear some of your stories.” The archaeologist tried to smile but a shadow of sadness betrayed him. Jack mentally kicked himself. They remained silent for the rest of the meal.

Afterward, while Jack was finishing cleaning up, Daniel went outside. The sun was starting to hide behind the trees and it dyed the lake with bright orange. It reminded him of the color of the dunes of Abydoss during the sunset. He approached the water and sat cross-legged on the little wooden deck. After a while, he sensed a presence behind him.

“You ok?” Jack asked softly.

Daniel didn’t look away from the lake. “I don’t know,” he whispered.

Jack sat next to him, their shoulders brushing together. He didn’t say anything. He waited until the younger man was ready to continue.

“I meant what I said Jack… and at the same time… I didn’t. I don’t know, I feel confused. Full of contradictions. My body lusts after you, and my soul raises when I’m near you but my mind keeps telling me I’m not doing you any good. It’s a constant fight with myself and it’s… burning me inside. “ He sighed loudly. “At the same time another part of my brain tells me those thoughts are irrational, but I can’t help feeling that way and… god, I can’t go on like that, I…I feel like I’m going crazy.” The last word was a cracked whisper.

Jack thought about Janet’s words and a shiver ran down his spine. Screw it. Daniel wasn’t crazy. He was a sensitive man with a traumatic past that never healed properly. That itself had degenerated in an irrational perception of guilt. A perception Jack intended to nip in the bud. He suddenly stood up and moved in front of his friend. The archaeologist startled and looked at him.

“Danny, look at me. What do you see?”

Daniel frowned. “Hmm… you?”

“Ok, and who am I?”

Daniel was utterly confused but went on with the game.

“Colonel Johnathan “Jack” O’Neill, a member of the US Air Force?”

“Good. What else?”

“Hmm… you were born on October the 30th in 1,952, so you are currently forty-seven years old…”

Jack rolled his finger, encouraging him to go on.

Daniel’s frown grew deeper but he continued anyway.

“You work in Cheyenne Mountain, you are the leader of a team called SG-1… you love hockey and The Simpson and fishing and every now and then you save the world from total annihilation.”

Jack offered his hand to Daniel and helped him to stand up. He moved closer, their bodies almost touching, but not yet. He cupped the archaeologist's face with one hand. He looked affectionately at his friend’s sapphire eyes and spoke with a soft, loving tone.

“Don’t you realize, I wouldn’t be any of those things if it wasn’t for you? That I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for you?”

Daniel stared at him puzzled as if he was talking a strange language he’d never heard before.

“Danny, the first time we met you saved my life. I’m not just referring to the blast you took for me. Charlie had been dead for less than two months, then. I put the barrel of my gun in my mouth twice, but I was too coward to pull the trigger.” Daniel looked at him horrified, his heart almost drilled his chest in his way out. “You, Daniel Jackson, helped me to find a reason to live again. My heart was dead and you brought it back to life, you know? Like those paddles Janet sometimes uses.”

Daniel couldn’t help but snort slightly to the comparison.

“Maybe on Chulak it wasn’t one of your brightest moments, but considering the circumstances, I don’t blame you for anything. Nothing that happened there was your fault, nothing, don’t you see? You brought us home and helped to save a lot of people. And with the Nox, I made the decision to attack Apophis. I was my call, and I didn’t follow your impetus, I followed Teal’c’s military advise.”

Daniel was going to say something, but Jack silenced him pressing his index finger on his lips.

“In Ernest planet, you learned a very valuable lesson, and about Apophis ship, damn it, Daniel, you saved the entire planet! Daniel, remember me what happened to the Jack on the alternate reality.”

“He, hmm… died, along with everyone else.”

“And what happened to the Jack from the other reality, the one with Carter and Kawalsky?”

“He was… hmm… dead, too.” He lowered his head but Jack grabbed his chin and forced him to keep eye contact.

“Don’t you see the main difference between realities is that in those ones I didn’t know you? Don’t you realize the reason I’m alive in our reality is… you?”

Daniel had to admit to himself that although this thought had crossed his mind sometimes, he hadn’t given credit to them.

“And you didn’t do anything wrong in that bitch princess planet. It was the damn sarc. You’d never let us suffer on purpose. Never. And that alien orb? Daniel, that’s what we do! We’re explorers, part of the job is to take risks. Besides, it was you who came up with the idea that saved my life. And about the alien database, the only reason I can stand here in front of you right now is that you stayed with me and kept me from going insane. ”

The younger man was speechless. His brain was trying to process this new point of view. He opened his mouth but no words were able to come out.

“What? Did you think I love you for your looks?” he teased with a smirk. Then he got serious again. “Baby, you saved my life more times than I can count, but somehow, you have that sort of filter than makes you see just the bad stuff.” Then the colonel took a step backward, took off his t-shirt, and turned around, showing his back to the younger man.

“Can you see the scars, Danny? Shrapnel from Iraq. He turned around and pointed a faded scar below his ribs. “Gunshot from Afghanistan.” He took Daniel’s hand and pressed it to the left side of his scalp. “Rough landing in Libya. I could go on and on. So, where were you on 1,978?”

“Hmm… I was thirteen, so I was at High School.”

“And of course you didn’t know me then. Danny, I’m in the Air Force. The risking my life thing is in my job description. It’s happened since much before you came into my life. You’re not a curse. You’re a blessing. Never, never in my entire life, I’ve felt more alive. We have a dangerous job, and I can’t promise you we’ll survive this war, but as long as I fight beside you, I won’t give up. You’re my strength, Daniel. You carry my conscious, my heart, and my soul. I’m a better man because of you. Even if I fell dead right now, my time with you would have been worthy, because all the good I’ve done, I’ve done it because I met you.” Jack's eyes moistened.

The archaeologist blinked repeatedly. All that was so new. Since his parents had died, he’d been convinced he was a disaster area. His failure when he made his theories public and his failure with Sha’re added strength to that feeling. But there it was Jack, telling him not only he wasn’t a failure, but his reason to be alive. After so many years of self-deprecation, his brain was having a hard time processing this new information. He stared at Jack’s eyes for a minute, searching for some unspoken truth. But he couldn't find any. All he saw was caring, tenderness, warmth, desire, passion, love.

"You ... you really ... mean that." He was shocked stunned.

Jack’s response was to lean forward and latch their lips together. Daniel reacted immediately to the kiss, and something magical happened. Suddenly he was transported to Egypt. He recognized the scene. It had happened a few days before the fateful trip to New York that would end with his parents' life.

_He was in the tent his parents used as a lab. His father was cataloging some of the pieces that would be shown at the exhibition, while his mother was taking notes on her journal. Daniel had a brush in his small hand and he was carefully cleaning the dirt from a small vase. He frowned when he found a speck of dirt stuck in a crevasse and started to brush harder. In a second his mother was next to him._

_"_ _Danny, honey, not so hard, you could damage it.” She took his small hand in hers and started to move it in little circles, showing him the adequate pressure he needed to apply. Then she let go of him and watched as he worked. Daniel was totally concentrated on his task. His parents had trusted him to take care of the precious artifact. He was very proud of himself and wasn't going to disappoint them._

 _This is perfect, Danny, “Claire said proudly. Some day you're going to be a great archaeologist and you'll make great discoveries.” She caressed his cheek and kissed him on his forehead lovingly._

_Melbourne looked at him above his glasses and smiled fondly._

_At that moment little Daniel felt his heart expand with an overwhelming feeling of love and joy. The sensation of belonging was absolute. He had the coolest mom and dad and they had the coolest job in the whole world._

Suddenly Daniel was back on the dock, at Jack's cabin, kissing him. And the same feeling of love, joy, and belonging overjoyed him. Jack was his home. He belonged here, with him. All his fears and guilts suddenly had a new perspective. It was like a new life, a new beginning.

“Wow, he muttered breaking the kiss. Looks like I'm not the only one that brought someone back to life.”

Jack looked at him a bit puzzled, not fully understanding the meaning of his words. Daniel’s eyes were shining with a new bright he hadn't see before. There were life and joy in his gaze. The archaeologist caressed his lover’s cheek with his thumb tenderly.

“Jack, make love to me.”

Jack grinned happily. “Let's go inside.”

“No,” Daniel stopped him. “Right here, right now.”

Jack didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed Daniel’s face and pulled him forward. They met in a long passionate, ardent kiss. Jack had been drinking beer during their early dinner and Daniel red wine and coffee. The flavors mixed in their mouths. They tasted hungrily each other. They noticed each other’s soft and wet lips swollen and the sensation sent their blood rushing directly to their groins. Their tongues were immersed in a sensual fight for control, licking, and sucking. Their bodies latched one against the other, belly against belly, their crotches rubbing together. They could both feel their growing erection press painfully against their pants. Daniel ran his hands along Jack’s bare back while the colonel cupped the archaeologist's ass. Then he pulled apart a bit and started to loosen Daniel's belt. He freed his shirt from his chinos and began to rub his hands everywhere he could reach along Daniel's torso and ass.

They both moaned loudly, hungry for more. Jack wasn’t worried about any unexpected visit. The nearest cabin was twelve miles away and at that time it was unlikely the appearance of some lost hiker. They broke the race of kisses when they ran out of oxygen and Jack took a step backward. They were both panting hard, their eyes shining with love and lust.

They stood like that for a few seconds, drinking on each other's eyes. Their breathing evened a bit and Jack began to unbutton Daniel's shirt, slowly, while his lover aimed to his waistband and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. He gasped when the archaeologist sneaked a hand inside his boxers and teased his cock. Once he unfastened the buttons of Daniel’s shirt, he opened it and exposed the younger man's chest and abdomen. At the same time he cupped the archaeologist’s crotch with one hand, he leaned forward and licked and sucked a nipple, which hardened instantaneously. Daniel moaned long and loud and tilted his head back, giving perfect access to his throat. Jack took advantage and launched towards it, drawing a trail of licks and kisses from Daniel's Adam's apple to his ears lobe.

The younger man's legs gave up under the pleasure and Jack held him in his slow fall to the ground. He took off his pants, boxers, and socks and kneeled in front of his lover, who was now laying on his back. Jack helped him to get rid of his pants and underwear. Daniel opened his long legs and bent them a bit. Their throbbing cocks were bouncing against their lower abdomens. Jack leaned for another passionate kiss. Daniel's long fingers intertwined with his grayish strands. Their cocks rubbed together, trapped between their bellies. Neither of them remembered being so turned on in their whole life. The fact of being outside on the dock added hotness to the act.

“J’ck, god, love you, I want you so m'ch…”

“Mmm, Daniel… b'by… love you… love you so much…”

Jack started a trail of kisses down Daniel's chest and stomach. When he reached his navel, he licked it and then dipped his tongue inside and sucked. Daniel's back arched and he groaned softly to the unexpected movement.

“Now, Dr. Jackson, if I remember well, I have an unfinished business with your belly.”

He began to stroke his balls as he ran a trail of wet kisses and licks around his navel. Daniel was moaning and squirming lost in his pleasure.

“God, Jack, you're killing me… oh, my…”

Then Jack moved to the right area on his lower abdomen and licked his appendix scar carefully.

“Does it still hurt?”

“No, not anymore. Janet said it's totally healed.”

“I was so scared, Danny, so, so scared…”

“Hey, hey, I'm ok, you're ok, stop dwelling on it, ok? Not now.”

Jack pulled those thoughts apart and concentrated on his task at hand. He kissed, licked, and sucked the scar, loving it because after all, it was the proof that Daniel was alive and well. The hand that was stroking his balls moved downward and began caressing Daniel's inner tighs with his knuckles.

“Jaaack, god, stop teasing…”

And with that, he followed his way down and engulfed Daniel's cock with his mouth. The archaeologist thrust upwards with the wished but sudden movement.

“Oh yeah, yeah, like that…”

The movement triggered Jack’s gag reflex momentarily but then he readjusted his mouth. He inhaled deeply. Daniel's scent was intoxicating. He began to lick his length, twirling his tongue, memorizing the movements that made his lover moan louder. The hand in his tighs moved to his balls again. The archaeologist kept his fingers on Jack's hair, holding him in place, and began to thrust rhythmically in his lover's mouth. Jack sneaked a hand past his balls and reached his perineum. He massaged it with slow circles. Daniel's body tensed for a few seconds and then began to fuck Jack's mouth again. The older man licked and sucked as if savoring a popsicle. He moved the hand on Daniel's perineum and reached his sphincter. He teased the opening and at the same time, he pressed inside Daniel’s belly button with his other hand’s thumb. Daniel lost it.

“Jack, Jack, oh goddddd, gonna come… gonna come…”

The older man increased the pressure both in Daniel's cock, anus, and navel, and the archaeologist pushed his hips upward. He came hard, in the most explosive orgasm he'd ever had.

“Ohhhhh godddddd, oh yeeeessssss, JAAAAAACK!!!

So Jack swallowed his lover's essence for the first time, and he was damn if he didn't enjoy every single drop of it. Then he licked him clean and climbed his way back to Daniel’s mouth. He kissed him passionately. Daniel tasted himself in Jack's mouth and he found it incredibly erotic.

“Well, Dr. Jackson, it looks like my exploration discovered some interesting erogenous zones.”

“Oh yeah. You can say that,“ the archaeologist panted. He opened his legs wider and bent his legs.

“Jack, Jack, I want to feel you inside me.”

“Damn it, we don't have any lube here, it's in the cabin.”

“Talk for yourself.”

“Huh?”

“My pants… front… pocket.” Daniel was still panting due to the orgasm aftermath.

Jack reached Daniel’s chinos and found a little tube inside one of the pockets. He raised his eyebrows. “Dr. Jackson, have I told you lately that you never cease to amaze me,” he smirked.

“What can I say, deep inside, I’m optimistic,” the archaeologist grinned.

“I’ll teach you deep,” Jack replied sensually. “Condoms?”

“No need, Janet has us doubled checked and we're clean. I want to feel _you_ inside me. Jack please, fuck me, fuck me now.” He sneaked his hand between their bodies and reached Jack’s cock and began to pump slowly.

“Fuck, Danny, ok, ok... Jesus!

He moved between Daniel's legs, coated one finger abundantly with the lube, and slowly pushed it inside Daniel's hole. Daniel winced when it passed the ring of muscle. For a second Jack panicked, remembering what happened the last time.

“Baby, you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, it burned a bit, but it's ok, I'm ok, I'm ok.”

Jack began to move his finger in rhythmic circles, stretching the muscles around it. Daniel was wonderfully tight and hot. Meanwhile, Daniel moved his hands along Jack’s torso, caressing every muscle of his well-built body. He pinched his nipples and Jack moaned in pleasure. Daniel’s cock began to swell again. Jack removed the finger, coated another one, and inserted both of them carefully. Daniel hissed.

“I'm ok, I'm ok, please don't stop.”

Jack scissored his fingers opening Daniel wider. When he added a third, Daniel’s cock was fully hard again. Jack envied his youth.

“Daniel, it will be easier if you turn around on your stomach.”

“No, Jack, I want to see you.”

“I might hurt you.”

“Jack, you won't, promise, I'm so horny right now that you couldn’t possibly hurt me.”

Jack laughed ar the remark. “I never thought I'd hear that word coming from your mouth.”

“What, horny? Horny, horny, horny, Jack, I'm hornyyyyy.”

Daniel looked at him mischievously and touched himself. Seeing that, Jack's cock hardened painfully like a granite rock. That was more than enough to convince him. He lifted his lover's legs, coated his own cock with the lube, positioned the tip in place, grabbed Daniel by his hips, and slowly thrust inside. He entered his lover way easier than he thought. Daniel's ass muscles squeezed against the invasion. The feeling was overwhelming.

“Fuck, Danny, so tight, so hot, so hoooot”

“Jack, fuck me, fuck me hard!”

Jack began to thrust harder and angled himself to reach Daniel's prostate. His lover's screams told him he had reached his goal.

“Jaaaaaackkkk, yessssssssss!”

“Jesus, Danieeeeeeeeeel!

The thrusts speeded and Daniel began to pump his own cock. Every hit on his prostrate sent shudders of pleasure through his whole body. The fit was perfect, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle cut with precision. The feeling of Jack inside him was the most wonderful sensation Daniel had ever had. Jack felt as if an electrical current was running through his nerves and veins.

“Harder, Jack, harder! Oh, gooood!

The colonel obeyed. The archaeologist arched his back and moaned with overwhelming pleasure every time his lover hit his gland. They were both sweaty and panting hard. Jack felt heat spreading inside his body and concentrating in his lower belly. His balls tightened and he clenched his teeth as he came with hard convulsions inside his lover.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, Dannnnnnyyyyyyy!”

The sensation of Jack filling his inside sent Daniel to the edge. He stroke his cock one last time and came hard for the second time. Both men spasmed for several seconds until Jack fell half onto his lover's body, half of the ground.

“Jesus, that was…”

“Yeah…”

They both were panting. Then Jack moved and lay in a supine position next to Daniel trying to get his breath back. Daniel turned on his side and brought a hand to Jack's chest. He started to play with his chest hair, running circles in the curls with his fingers.

“Mmmm, I like the hair in your chest. It tickles.” He leaned on his elbow and dipped his nose into the small clump of hair and rubbed. Then he planted a soft kiss on his lover’s sternum and some more on his stomach.

“Fuck, Danny, have merci of this poor old man.”

“C'mon Jack, you're not that old.”

“Not that old? I'm thirteen years older than you, I think it's old enough.”

“No worries then, when you are a decrepit old man I'll make all the work for you. You know (kiss) how I love (kiss) to touch (kiss) old (kiss) and precious (kiss) artifacts (kiss, lick, kiss).”

Jack noticed Daniel smile against his stomach. He reached his head and pulled him up for another long and passionate kiss. He turned on his side and wrapped an arm around the younger man's waist and hooked a leg around his. They looked at each other's eyes. They were bright and gleaming from the shared pleasure.

“I love you so much, Jack, so much. You made me realize that maybe I'm not as guilty as I thought I was, that maybe I deserve to be loved, after all.”

“Not maybe, Daniel. You definitely do. And I swear, I'll take care of that. Forever.”

“Forever. I never felt so much love for anyone in my whole life. I can’t explain it and I don't need to. The fact is that I do, and I know you do, too. I love you. Yesterday, three years ago, today and always.”

Jack caressed Daniel's cheek. The younger man mirrored his movement and they kissed again, hard and long.

“I love you, Johnathan O’Neill. Always.”

They broke the kiss and suddenly Jack stood up.

“And now, Dr. Jackson, I'm going to show you just how alive you make me feel.”

And with that, he ran towards the lake and dove into the water.

“Yipeeeeeee!” Splash!!!

Alarmed, Daniel rushed to the dock’s end. “Jack! Wha…?!

The colonel got his head above the water and shook it, expelling the excess of water. He was wearing the widest grin Daniel had ever seen.

“Jack, you're nuts!”

“Oh, yeah, I'm nuts, crazy, wacko… for you, Dr. Jackson!” He started to splash and throw water all over the place, like an overexcited child. “Do you hear me, Minnesota? I love this man! I love this man! Yeeeeeahhhhh!”

Daniel was standing with his hands on his hips, shaking his head and smiling. He wondered how he could have fallen head over heels for such a… handsome, brave, honest, caring, sexy… childish man. Daniel's cock twitched. Wow, he could never have enough of his lover.

“Godamnit, it's cold!” Jack yelled all of a sudden. “Daniel, help me out!” He reached out a hand. Daniel grabbed it and he realized Jack's intentions a second too late. With a mischievous smile, he pulled Daniel forward and threw him into the lake.

“Jaaaaaaack!" Splash!!! He started to fight the water wildly, splashing everywhere. “ “Jesus Christ! It's frozen, it's frozen, Jack, I hate you!”

The colonel held him tight and began to entice him with touches and wet kisses until he stopped fighting and melted into his arms, kissing him back fondly while rubbing his back and ass. The older man felt the hard cock of his lover rubbing against his groin.

“Gee, Danny, how can you be hard as a rock again? I'm not sure I'll be able to follow your rhythm.”

He kissed him hard. They stayed there for a while longer, sharing touches and kisses that talked about deep passion and ultimate love.

***

Later that night, they were cuddling in bed.

“Mmm, this is nice.”

“If you tell someone I cuddle and how sappy I am, I'll deny it and then I’ll kill you.”

Daniel laughed.

“No, seriously, badass colonels aren't sappy and definitely don't cuddle.”

“Except when they do it.”

“Smartass.”

“I love you too.”

They remained silent for a while. Jack was running circles with his hand along Daniel's back while Daniel was caressing the older man's greying shorts strands of hair. It was much softer than anyone could imagine. It was obvious to the colonel that the archaeologist’s brain machinery was working in full gear.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Something you said before, on the deck, about our job. That we may not survive this war.”

“Aww, Danny…”

“No, no, let me finish. You’re right, we risk our lives on a daily basis. Besides, we are also exposed to normal earthly diseases, like everybody else. You were lucky on that sub and I was lucky my appendix didn't kill me. But we might run out of luck the next time. I meant what I said before, Jack, I can’t function without you anymore. I don't want to function without you anymore. You carry my heart and my soul too.”

“Danny…” the colonel didn’t like where that conversation was leading.

“No, no, wait. I won’t do it, Jack. The day you die, I’ll die too. I’ll always try everything to keep you alive and safe, but if this happens, we’ll go together.

“Danny…” Jack repeated. A huge lump formed in his throat. He couldn’t speak. Although he had never said anything to his lover, he had also thought about that. Daniel was right, any day could be the last one. They stared at each other, two sets of eyes glistening with unshed tears. And like that, they signed a silent pact. They wrapped their arms around each other and weaved their legs together, and kissed passionately again. When they broke the kiss they stayed tightly embraced. And like that, as a unity, they fell asleep, in some way relieved that, when the time came, they wouldn’t have to face life alone anymore.

**The end, for now**


End file.
